The Amerikan Way

If you’ve never read Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism, you should consider doing so. Its controversy-inspiring title was itself inspired by an unlikely source. Remarking on the likelihood of tyranny coming to America, George Carlin said, “it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jackboots. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts. Smiley-smiley.”

True, dat.

Lest you think I’m trying on tin-foil hats again, consider the case of Buckyballs, which is an adult desk toy made of magnetic balls. And while you’re at it, quit laughing at the juxtaposition of “adult”, “toys”, and “balls” in the same sentence. I’m trying to be serious here. Really. Quit it. Continue reading “The Amerikan Way”

The Opression of the Tolerant

Yeah, I’m kind of late to the Chik-Fil-A party but it’s been a busy couple of weeks. Being a good Southern boy, they’ve always been first and foremost in my mind whenever the term “chicken sammich” is uttered. My heart leaped with joy when they (and Waffle House) started opening franchises up here in the blighted cultural wasteland that is Ohio.*

Having established that foundational truth, I’m ashamed of myself for not participating in Wednesday’s grand nationwide customer love-in. Couldn’t get away from work for the time it would’ve taken just to sit in the drive-through. Thursday was a different story, but it turns out they were just as crowded! Apparently everyone who couldn’t make it the day before (like moi) was there to make up for it.

Well, good for them. Because you all know what this is really about, right (besides yummy sammiches)? Continue reading “The Opression of the Tolerant”